Facing Disappointment as a Child

Students sometimes need us to help them navigate through disappointment.  Managing and navigating the course however, can be challenging because what causes disappointment in a teen’s life isn’t always easily understood.  My younger daughter was absolutely elated when she first got her ears pierced and the minute the starter earrings were in place, she began counting down the days until she could replace them with the pretty gold fashion hoops that we’d purchased from the store.  It wasn’t a big deal to me, but as the days passed by, it became a huge deal to her. The day to remove the earrings arrived and the only thing that I noticed was that she was terribly late in coming downstairs and missed the school bus. Feeling frustrated and disappointed, I gave my daughter a lecture as I drove her to school. 

After dinner that evening, I reminded her to get up in time the next day to catch the bus. I made sure to drive this point home. That’s the moment I noticed that she wasn’t wearing any earrings at all.  Upon further investigation, she revealed that she had missed the bus because she tried desperately and repeatedly to put the new earring in but couldn’t manage to get them in her ears on time. In fact, she had spent so much time trying to get them in, she didn’t have time to put on the special new outfit she’d been saving for that day. 

Actually, she had gotten up earlier than usual in hope of wearing the earrings and outfit, only to find that it was too difficult and completely missed the bus. This was followed by her father yelling at her on the way to school about being on time. As she told me the story, I noticed that her eyes began to tear up.  Mine did a little too.

I apologized for not being sensitive to her disappointment and explained that it is important we share our disappointments with others so they can fully understand our experiences.  I then affirmed, the best a middle-aged father could, not being able to wear the earrings and outfit must have been difficult.  Then I asked what I could do to help.  She asked me to help her with the new earrings.  I would usually pass something like this along to her older sister or her mother, but since I was in the midst of demonstrating how to handle disappointment, I agreed.  For the next twenty minutes we sat at the dining room table while I, slowly and carefully, put both earrings into place.

I learned it’s important to be sensitive to the experiences of teens and when the opportunity arises walk them through how to handle disappointment.  It was important, in the experience with my daughter, to be available to support our teens as well.  Disappointment is a part of life and learning how to handle it is key to navigating life’s challenges.